In college I studied Computer Science and forgot how to talk to women. As the only straight woman within reach, I soon became the de facto dating consultant for my male friends, despite my waning expertise. But what I soon realized was that sometimes the best way to date is to go off script. We had more important things to worry about, like the alarming decay rate of our attractiveness. If we graduated without a future husband in tow, the men in our class would forgo us for younger, dumber women. She advised we start the search as early into college as possible. Um, I thought, petting my two-years-younger boyfriend.
Of course its ok. But please make sure she never sees this question or knows about your concerns because it would be really hurtful and if I were her it would be amble reason to not date you or to dump you if I was.
It would be okay if the man was 26 and she was 21 but the other way around feels too milfy, or cougarish. Also, I'd just like to request that you and society as a whole work super-hard to unpack yourselves of this notion. If you could see your way clear. Because, "An age and power differential is okay as long as it's the man in power"? A 26 year old guy, dating a 31 year old woman, is it okay? As far as your references to "milfy" or "cougarish", ummmmmmm, I'm I'm not a mom or even vaguely matronly.
You and I most likely have virtually identical life experiences and overall approaches to the world. We like the same bands, watch the same TV shows and movies, and are nostalgic about the same Saturday morning cartoons.
The age difference is perfectly acceptable, and i know plenty of successful couples with that type of age gap. You, on the other hand, sound immature and judgmental about both gender relations and age, and so it probably won't work out, unless your prospective girlfriend is willing to be considered milfy or a cougar, but she probably won't. A five year age difference is of no consequence if the two people involved are at the same stage of maturity.
This does not seem to be the case here. She needs to be dating someone more in her maturity bracket. You need to mature some more. I would never ever date a woman and not be proud of her, and hide her from my friends, it wouldnt be fair. I haven't even asked her out yet but it seems like she wants me to. If I was in a relationship with her then I'd most certainly be happy with what she was posted by curious-mind at 2: Um, yes, it's fine.
My 31 year old girlfriend says no, it is not ok. Like most things, it's okay with some people and not okay with others. If you want to date this woman, pursue that goal.
The reason I asked this question about me being "okay" with dating an older woman, was reading a okcupid research article saying how most men compete for younger women, and there were guys in the comment section saying things like "Yeah if you can't get a younger woman its because you got priced out and you suck" I tried to not let it bother me but it did. That as a statistic men chase younger women, and dating an older woman is looked upon as failing to be able to compete with other men.
So far so good. He's not concerned about the difference at all. If you two really gel as a couple then people won't see a 5 year difference in your ages. Yeah, I think you're probably too immature for this relationship, dude. Okay wait, you are making life decisions based on the internets comments section of a dating site article? Cut this shit out. Anyway, in my early-mid 30s I dated a guy very seriously for several years who was about four years younger.
The reasons it didn't work out had nothing to do with our age gap. Here's where it could potentially become an issue - if she wants to have children, she is facing a much steeper timeline than you are right now in life. Where two twentysomethings can wait and see where things go, maybe get married, maybe think about kids when it feels right - a couple in their 30's do have to face the reality that female fertility starts declining after So if you don't think you want kids in the next 10 years, and she does -- the relationship can't work in the long run.
It sounds from your question and followups that you're focusing on a lot of superficial externals about how it might affect you rather than the heart of the matter - what is she looking for in you? Gwyneth Paltrow is five years older than Chris Martin. I don't think there's anything wrong with you. I know if I were in her year-old shoes I would want to know if I was seeing someone who used the word "cougar" seriously in any non-feline context, let alone applied to how others might view our relationship, has no problem with a double standard, i.
If she doesn't know, I suggest you tell her. She might chose to make this a non-issue for you. I think it's just fine if a 26 year old man is dating a 31 year old woman. But, if we're talking about a 26 year old guy , I'm not so sure. Just noticed that 15 comments have been posted since I started writing. I'm betting that I'm not the only one who is giving you grief about this question. Who do you want to date?
Her or other men? It's a fine age gap for anyone. Best of luck -- you're gonna need it. I tried to not let it bother me but it did. OK, I'm here to tell you: You know the saying, "Haters gonna hate"?
You, sincere internet stranger who is making a valiant effort to figure this out, are not a statistic. You may plug into some venn diagrams every once in a while, but the value judgements you make for your own time in life need not be unduly influenced by lying numbers or hype and spin or anything other than your own notion of where the ship you and only you are steering is headed.
It is weird in the sense that it's not typical and it is something some people might look down on you for. Does that make it bad or a bad idea? I don't think so, but that's your decision to make. What people might think of you as a couple is just one of many factors that go into deciding whether to pursue a specific relationship.
It's not wrong to consider it, either, but talking about it in this particular way reinforces a lot of gross sexist norms so I suggest not bringing it up like this around other people or around this woman. Why do you care what's "normal"? Why do you care what other people think about your prospective relationship, or what they might think about you on the basis of who you date?
While it's natural to wonder about the various consequences of a difference in age, I think your would-be sweetheart might be a bit taken aback to learn that you had to ask the Internet whether dating her would be "OK. Then of course there's the unnecessary stereotype that her being over 30 for five minutes means she is now turning at least some of her attention to baby-planning.
They haven't even gone on a date. I don't think kids need to be a factor in the dating process quite yet. I'm 26 years old and I've dated a number of women in their late 30s in the last few years. It's never been any kind of issue. On the other hand, at the tender age of 26 I think of myself as a grown man and I wouldn't lower myself to taking advice from a bunch of bros in the comment section of a dating website so maybe our experiences are very different. For what it's worth - not much, by the way - some women my own age have told me that the fact that I was dating a 40 year old raised their opinion if me.
But you should not be using the identity of the person you date as a status symbol because it's repulsive. Someone 5 years older than you is not old enough to be your mother, so "MILF" seems quite a bit off.
My sister-in-law and my ex-sister-in-law are both five or six years older than my brother, and I don't think either relationship has had, or had, any issues relating to their age difference. I don't know what to say about your apparent internalized belief that men "should be" older than their female partners or they'll lose status, except a it's certainly a widespread cultural meme in lots of places, and b in my experience, cultural memes like that are usually obstacles to creating relationships that work for you, not for random TV gossip shows or shock jocks or whoever.
Since you are asking, and given the words you chose, she is too old for you. Older women tend to respect themselves more and have higher standards. In that sense dating an older woman reflects well on you. Older women, because of their confidence and experience, also make better lovers.
I would really encourage you to disabuse yourself of the subconscious misogyny you've indicated in your post and follow-ups so that you can be worthy of her interest. Plutarch, in his biography of Marc Antony, remarks that Cleopatra met Antony "at the very time when women have the most brilliant beauty. Notwithstanding, what are YOU comfortable with? And the line about not able to attract a younger woman.. You fall in love with whom you fall in love with.
When I was 34 I was dating a 27 year old. We had a lot of fun in the time we were together. Our work was similar, we liked the same movies, the same books, we had the same political views, our musical tastes overlapped. Eventually he was transferred to another city and that was that, but we had a terrific time. No one, including the two of us, gave any thought to the age difference, because it was never evident.
I am eight years older than my husband, and our respective ages have never been an issue between us. Except when he makes fun of 80s music.
People have already given your grief for describing yourself as a 26 year old boy and caring about the opinion of an anonymous bunch of dudes on OKCupid, so I'll spare you on that front. My question is regardless of your concerns, how is anyone even going to know you are dating a 31 year old unless you tell them?
Unless said women looks substantially older than 31 or you look substantially younger than 26, your age difference is unlikely to be identifiable by the general public that's making the rather generous assumption that anyone else is going to care. I didn't marry any of them or anyone else for that matter but they -- well all but one -- were great relationships, the shortest of which lasted almost 2 years and the longest almost 8 years.
I don't recall my age, or our age difference, being a factor. I primarily dated men younger than myself because those were the men that I happened to meet. I went to grad school at 31 and most of my classmates were years younger than I was.
When I got out and got my first internship, same deal. I had more in common with them then men my own age who were already well-established in their careers, etc. Most of the time we found out each others ages after we started dating and it just wasn't an issue for either of us. I'm 29 and my girlfriend is There are lots of advantages to dating a grownup.
I wouldn't trade her for a year-old for anything, especially when I remember what I was like at Also, did you read that OkCupid article, or just the comments?
Because the article, if I'm thinking of the same one you are, was about how awesome women in their 30s are, and how dumb it is that guys don't tend to date older women. And they had data to back up something women being awesome! Honey, five years is an age gap when you are a child.
Five years doesn't rate as an age gap when you are an adult. I skipped to the end. This must worry you for some reason, but it shouldn't. I remember a ton of lady-persons who were 31 at my 26 and I didn't give a rat's patoot about our respective ages. Be glad you've found someone you care about and who feels the same. I'm a 30 year old woman.
I'd have no problem dating a 25 year old. As the bard said, love the one you're with.
15 Guys Explain Why They Date Women Over 30
If she's OK with you, you should be too. When I was in my early 30's, I had a short relationship with a woman in her early 20's. We weren't a good match and one of the things that stuck out to me was the difference in maturity. If you're thoughtful and mature and your are compatible, great, have a good time.
You haven't even asked her out. Cart before the horse. I hope you've worked through your previous issues. I think you need a lot more confidence and grounding, but that's just me. I'm 16 years older than my husband, we have been together for 7 years both dating and married. I'm not a MILF or a Cougar and spent most of the early years of the relationship worrying about the age difference, it has never bothered him. You like who you like, ask her out and if she says yes I hope you both have fun.
If it becomes serious you won't care about the age difference, and if it's only a bit of fun for both of you, you might learn something about yourself and women. Forget about what people on OKCupid say, what people say online to make themselves look "cooler" rarely has any actually relationship to what they'd do if they had the chance in real life.
Also face early thirties deosn't look that much different to late 20's its not like she's got grey hair and a walking stick, no one is going to look twice. Are you sure that they've failed at competing?
I suspect that men who date older women have realized that the only way to win at "my girlfriend is younger than yours" is not to play. Put another way, do you really want the respect of men who think this way about women? Would it really make you feel better about yourself? This is not enough data to say anything about you.
In fact, the only thing this tells me is that you are into this particular 31 year old woman. It could, maybe, suggest that you're more into 31 year olds than other women. If you really need to be older than your lady, just wait until you're 32 and start hitting on the 31 year olds.
Ta da, problem solved. Or you could realize you're being ridiculous and ask this one out now. All of my friends feel the same way. If a 32 year woman is very attractive, she can get an attractive 35 year old man — so why would she choose a 47 year old guy? Women over 28 are repulsive. All men are the same. A 60 year old man has the same taste in women as an 18 year old man. Im 31 and I have an ex boyfriend who is 33 chasing me for years to be back with him.
We broken up and got back together a few times, but he keeps coming back! I look alot younger than my age so it has its perks. To say that no man wants a women in her 30s is some bullish. Ive had more men look at me now than they did when I was in my early 20s. I look better than I did then. No one knows my age unless I told them and they are in some shock. A 30 year old woman is still pretty young, she is still able to bare a good amount of children.
What discusses me is the men who say these things about a woman over 30, makes me wonder if some are hidden pedophiles. You sound like one. You look less than You still are probably in good shape.
This means you probably look These are the things men are physically attracted to. However after 35, dating for women gets increasingly harder, where it gets easier for men. Men are coming into their own and have the means and confidence to date the women they desire with little issue.
True to an extent. But that window is closing very quickly. From age 35, the fertility decline speeds up. By age 40, fertility has fallen by half. Pregnancy and birth risks for older mothers The risks of pregnancy and birth complications — and caesarean section — increase with age.
Complications include gestational diabetes, placenta praevia, and placenta abruption.
36 year old woman dating a 25 year old man
Older women are more likely to have a baby with birth defects or genetic abnormalities. A woman over 35 is nearly 2. By age 40, she is more than five times more likely to have a stillbirth than a woman under For a woman aged 40 the risk of miscarriage is greater than the chance of a live birth. I always love when women run out of arguments and start slinging insults.
No one is talking about pedofillia here. We are talking about women from , which was you just a few years ago. Financial Samurai, in your personal opinion, do you find that dating is easier in your 20s or 30s? I tend to agree here. Its nice to come home to someone when I want to, stay out as late as I want and travel wherever, whenever. I am 22 and the oldest man I have dated was 15 yrs older then me.
Generally I do date older men simply because of that maturity perception. I have dated guys my age and it was horrible however with my last boyfriend- who was 15 yrs older then me- I realized however that boys will always be boys regardless of their age. I am not against men dating younger women obviously nor am I against women dating younger men. In my experiences dating someone older does have its advantages but there tends to be some sort of power imbalance, with the older much more experienced person in the relationship being at a slight advantage.
I remember that being one of the problems in my last relationship. Case in point, you are in Thailand lol A completely different culture and set of social values. My early years  were spent as most young guys spend it, looking for the next thrill per say. Is this little survey for everyone? Of course freakin not.
So many folks like to blame men for only dating younger women, when it is the younger women who are chasing after older men!31 year old has 91 year old Girlfriend
Older men who have never been in committed relationships are an exception since they can be more difficult in personality. As an adult, I found that younger men were not ready to settle down, and older men were. As a 35 yr old, if I really want it, I know I can get it. As a 25 yr old if I really wanted it, I knew the older guy next to me could get it.
35 year old woman dating a 26 year old man
Haha… I could never date a younger man, I prefer older men — they know what they are talking about: Older men of the world, unite! The 35 year old has nothing on the 40 year old! I look at a single 35 year old male like I look at a resume with gaps the employment section…very cautiously!!!! In my opinion, there might be some economic advantage, but not enough to outweigh the other red flags. Relationships are time consuming and involve much self sacrifice. He might like the idea of having a wife, but has no idea how that will affect his day to day activities.
By the time someone is 35, he has spent his entire adult life focused on his needs, his activities, etc. He may not realize how much he may need to change his activities to obtain a successful relationship. I always think of this Jack Welsh story. Jack and his first wife had divorced. He was introduced to Jane now a former wife. She was an atty who worked every weekend. They started dating and Jack wanted her to go away for the weekend.
On Saturday morning, when she awakened, she saw that Jack was leaving to go golfing…she was flabbergasted. She had to jump through hoops to get away and he was going golfing? The women are looking all sexy with a bear? The concept of marriage for a better future should be explored. When both parties are high income earners the combined households lowering expenses creating a financial powerhouse.
Other times the equation is different. He is two years younger than she is, and is remarkably mature for his age. I will never truly understand dating and mating psychology. I am just extremely thankful I found the love of my life at the young age of As men age, stuff stops working.
My husband is 2. We got married at 27 and 29, and it was never an issue. I would imagine as you get older, the gap for women decreases. If you are a 45 year old woman, is it really a big deal to date a 40 year old man?
On the other hand, beyond the obvious, I always wondered why a 40 year old man would want to be with a 25 year old woman. I try not to think about my age. My significant other is quite a bit older than I am, so I guess we prove your theory.
We were best friends for years before anything changed.. Though I can certainly agree with many of the points you made, Sam. A friend just tried to set me up with a 47 yr old and he talked to me like I was his kid. Hmm, give older men a chance Kathryn! Could find a nice one, ya never know!
He scoffed at me. I met my husband when I was 19 and he was 24 — he thought I was around He would never have talked to me if he knew how young I was. I think the immaturity of males is something that is ground into our society. When I was looking into preschools and admissions for regular schools for my son, it turns out that girls are accepted into programs on average 4 months earlier than boys are.
For certain programs, girls are accepted at 20 months old while boys have to be For admissions to private schools, boys have to be born by the month of June, while girls have to be born by the month of Sept. Basically, boys are deemed more immature than girls from before they are born literally. I will tell you a secret. He definitely knew you were 19 when he was first pursuing you! But, as ANY man can attest, pursuing a woman under 20 is hard to publicize, unless he himself is also Glad you are going to change things around!
But, your post made me nostalgic about my younger years. I think it has to do with your peer group. I was 34 when I got married and was the last of my friends to get married- so that felt like I was a bit behind the curve.
Do you think this is still prevalent in America? Getting the senior is solid! When she graduated, did you continue to have fun in college? You make a good point about men getting rejected in their early years from older women and therefore avoid them as they get older.
But, as men get older, I think society focuses so much on younger women just check out magazine covers! Thank goodness there are beautiful older women out there like Judi Dench and Helen Mirren to look up to! Shoot for the range. Some good ones there. There are tons of single women in all age ranges , and not so many single men in all age ranges. The men who are single always seemed to want a gorgeous super-model, which left me out.
I dress nicely, smile, have good personal hygiene, and am thin…. One day maybe a good guy can see past my looks. You mean, you approached and asked for sex and they said no? Or you had sex and it was horrible or being around you is worse than being castrated despite awesome orgasms? I had some ideas about this, but never looked at any research on it. Since graduating from grad school, I have been on dates with girls ranging from 22 to 39 while I was in my mids.
Something happened to me recently around my 27th birthday where I decided I was old enough to stop wasting time on relationships that I knew would be a dead end. I am okay with a maybe, but feel like I am too old for a sure failure. I am well below your 35 number, but I feel like I could settle down and pick one girl if I find the right one.
I am not in a rush, but my thinking has moved that way recently. My son is getting married next year and he will be 35! He has been dating his fiance for about 5 years. I think people are waiting to get married because they can live together and even have children.
Women date older men for security and money!
Older men are usually more stable and have more money. Women find that very attractive. I hope we are all living longer and happier lives. I really have no idea on this one. I put 28 for women because, similar to what Mark said, women have that biological clock going around that age.
Somehow I managed to beat the odds and rejection by marrying an older women. My wife is a whole 11 hours my senior. It still counts though. Science shows that girls develop and mature faster than boys.
Of course there are always exceptions. I met a 21 year old guy last month who ONLY dates older women and at a minimum of five years older than him. He runs his own company, and has his head together a lot more than the average 21 year old guy. He even dated a woman who was 33 with two kids. Also, think about that 21 year old guy ONLY dating older women…. Oh, just read your comment. Two kids I mean. Look at how the male donkey on the left has an attractive female donkey nuzzling up to him.
My wife is 8 months older than me. Really, it makes more sense for an older woman to date a younger man given the difference in life expectancy. You must be a good catch!
I dated younger men. I was in my early thirties, and they were in their mid twenties. Some younger guys are mature enough to handle an older woman. I think age does not matter. What matters is maturity, confidence and sophistication level.
I just seem to be more attracted to older men. I think it comes down security for women, even if it is on the sub-conscious level — they are always looking for security. The time fellow number two is in his 30s, he is more confident and secure with himself. I believe that comes across and makes more women interested. Just my two cents. I am older than my husband by 4 months. Those relationships work really well. I wonder what the results would have been if you had surveyed different people or had a larger sample size.
Congrats on your 15 year marriage! Perhaps I should have been more clear. It would seem to make sense. Congrats on 23 years! I shot you an e-mail, and am awaiting your response.
I always love seeing the posts around Valentines Day. Pretty insightful this one! My husband is my age though. But if you suddenly wanted to start dating at 44, you just have to go for the 60 year old! I never really had trouble dating but I am a hopeless romantic who got his heart broken a few times.
One relationship took me 5 years to completely get over and I was dating a lot back then. Dang, 5 years is a long time Jai! How old were you then? Did you go on drunken escapades around town? If you follow your heart. But many of us men and women alike get very protective of it. What not normal though not living your life by your heart.
The age would never come into the topic. It would be just heart to heart. Because we love through energy, not through time that had passed.
Alas, but I am already spoken for and have to get my dating thrills vicariously. Thanks for the insights Dr. Hmmm, just check out the comments from self-proclaimed attractive women regarding loving dating men years their senior! I took the bait and spent 10 minutes perusing the comments over there and only found one brief mention of dating guys 10 years older than herself from USsquid.
Oh yeah and Cynthia sounded…ummm…interesting. Didja ever call her? I keep telling my single girl friends to go for the younger men since women live longer than men, but alas most of them like older men claiming the whole maturity thing. I know for a fact, however, that if I had met my now fiancee a few years ago she would have cast me aside. My maturity was definitely lacking. God has great timing for sure! It cannot be helped! Maturity, like beauty must be in the eye of the beholder for women because I feel like I have regressed in my maturity, but my wrinkles and loss of hair tend to fool them.
Should I just kill myself in 6 months or lie about my age till a guy marries me hehe… Do tell…. Your email address will not be published. Don't subscribe All Replies to my comments Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. You can also subscribe without commenting. Sign up for the private Financial Samurai newsletter! What about the Golden Cross Of Love for women? To Suavis, What makes you think that women are normal today?
Very tough to find a good woman with a real Brain these days. I am sure you break a lot of mirrors when you look at them. Then again many women out there are real such Losers anyway. Having been with hundreds of women majority of them were older than me. Thanks for your perspective. Maybe women and men are becoming much more similar over time. How are things now? Now is fine, like I said still better than in my 20s. A guy 15 years older is way too old.
He could be my dad! No she can not get a 35 year old man, unless he is a beta male idiot. They have nothing to offer. Not only do they look bad, but they have big list of ex lovers. Only an idiot would go with them. Haha, and so you and every woman should look at a single, dashing, rich 35yo male cautiously!